Who Are You?

Enjoying a day of sledding with my son many years ago.

Many people want clarity and security in their lives. This reality is full of surprises. Life is unexpected. One way to bring clarity to your life is by defining who you want to be.

Many people focus on what they should be doing or how to achieve a goal, but this can define you in terms of what you lack, leaving you in a state of always wanting and feeling inadequate.

Instead, consider this. In every single moment, each of us is deciding who we are, and we then respond to the world as that person. The are an infinite number of ways to respond to any situation, but you don’t respond in an infinite number of ways. Instead, you often respond in a particular way. Why? It is because you have made decisions about life and who you are, often unconsciously.

Decide Who You Want to Be

If you want to give structure to your life, decide who you want to be. Don’t let the world decide. Be able to answer the question “Who are you?”

You can choose to be any person that you want to be. Do you want to be rich? Do you want to be famous? Do you want to be a good person? Do you want to be a father? A mother? A business person? You get to decide.

You may think that you don’t have control, but one thing that you always have control over is how you choose to act. No matter what is going on, you can always choose to be the person that you want to be.

Many people think their circumstances decide who they are. They don’t. You decide. If the circumstances seem contrary to who you are, you can ask yourself, what would the person I want to be and who I choose to be, do in this situation?

Do you want to be a good husband? What would a good husband do in this situation? Do you want ot be happy? How would a happy person respond? Do you want to be a rich person? What would a rich person do if they were in my shoes?

Three Steps

There are three steps to being the person that you want to be: decision, trust, and action. Decide who you want to be. Second, trust that you are that person. This means that, and particularly at first, when reality may seem to contradict your decision, insist that you are who you are.

For example, if you decide you are a rich person, and your bank account is low or you can’t pay a bill, how would you respond? How would a rich person respond to that in your shoes? Maybe they would go get a job. Maybe they would be more aggressive about selling something. Maybe they would say “Ah! This is proof that I am rich because I can get by with very little and save.”

Did you know that many rich people are frustrated if they have too much cash because it means their money is not growing? They celebrate having little cash on hand because it means their fully invested. How you interpret your reality is trust. Trust that reality, whatever it is for you right now, is reinforcing who you want to be, and ultimately, since you are that person, supporting who you are.

The last step is action. You have to act like the person that you want to be. Hw would that ideal you be>

A Temporary You

Particularly in the beginning, you might not be sure who you want to be. Just start by simply saying, “I am a person who is in the process of figuring out who I want to be.”

Who Don’t You Want To Be?

One way to clarify who you want to be is by clarifying who you don’t want to be. Perhaps it’s “I don’t want to be a liar,” or “I don’t want to be a criminal,” or “I don’t want to be a computer engineer.” All of these can help define who you are. Pay attention to people whose lives you don’t admire, or who do things you don’t want to do. At least you know that you don’t want to be like them. What’s the opposite?

Keep it Simple

Whatever your definition, keep it simple, maybe just a few sentences. When you are faced with various situations in your life, you can ask, “What would this type of person do?” If your definition is simple, you will be quicker at defining what to do. In my case, I have decided that I am a retired investor, a good father, and a good husband. You have a pretty good sense of how I might be living my life from that statement and how I might respond to various life situations.

Update It

Don’t worry if it’s not perfect. You can always change it and update it. As you live your life, you might decide that you want to make changes. Make changes.