When Will You Decide?

Life is a decision. One of the things that I think is at the cornerstone of why some people feel bad and some people feel good is their decisions. For me, this is one of the most powerful things that helps me find happiness. Whenever I feel bad, I ask myself, “When will I decide that everything is okay?" When will I decide to be happy>”

A Fresh Perspective on Here and Now

Something people often say that seems cliché is that it’s always right here and right now. I want to give you a fresh perspective on this. If you’ve heard this before, I ask you to read it like you’ve never read this before.

There is no past. There is no future. Those are recreated in the present. Our life experience is about what we are feeling in this right here and right now moment. It’s about the decisions that we are making right now.

A Louis Vuitton Bag

Many women want a Louis Vuitton bag. They think that when they have one that they will be happy, and often when they do have one, they are. What is the mechanism by which having a bag makes a woman happy?

It’s not a drug. It’s not an injection. It’s a thing. If a person closes their eyes, there’s no difference between having one and not. Their lives are the same, but they feel different when they have one. Why?

At some point along the process of wanting a bag and having one, a decision will be made that they “have it,” and it is that decision that makes them happy. What does “having it” mean? Does it mean that they have the money? How much. money? A credit card to buy it? Does it mean that they have paid for it? Does it mean that they’re at the Louis Vuitton store? Does it mean that you’re holding the bag? Does it mean that you’re walking out of the store?

The reason that they feel good is that at some point, they’ve made a decision.

You’re Always Deciding

Many times in life, we will decide that life is good or bad. We decide that once we have something that we will be happy. Whatever it is that you want, you are deciding what it means to have it. You are making a decision right now that at some future time that you will be happy. Emotionally and physically, you are holding yourself apart from it.

The same is true of the past. You might decide that you are unhappy with something that happened in the past. It’s not what happened in the past that makes you feel a certain way, but you bringing it back into the present, recreating the past, and then deciding that there is a problem. Maybe you’re deciding that you’re broken because of what happened.

A Way Out

The question, “When will I decide?” is a question you can ask yourself whenever you are frustrated or unhappy. It reminds you that you are in control of your experience. Think about the things that you want. Think about the things that are wrong with your life. Think about the things that went wrong. Then ask yourself, “At what point will I decide that the situation is resolved? When will I decide that I have it?”

Pretend that you have a magic wand and ask, “If things were perfect, what would they be like?” Ask yourself, “When will I decide that things are perfect>” Be specific. For example, if you say you need $1,000,000, will $999,999 be adequate? What if it were annual payments of $100,000? This reminds you even more that you are the one deciding. Where do you draw that line?

What if you felt fat and wanted to be thin? When will you decide that you’re good enough? When you start working out? When are you a specific weight?

Be honest with yourself about the decisions that you’re making.

Why Are You Deciding?

Why are you making the decision that you are making? Why are you deciding that you can’t move forward with your life? Why are you choosing to blame this circumstance? Be brutally honest.

Maybe you’re afraid to enjoy your life right now. Maybe you feel guilty. Maybe you want to feel like a victim. Maybe you want to feel like things are out of control, because then you don’t have to take responsibility for your life. It’s okay to blame the world and circumstances, just be honest with yourself. Maybe you’re just not ready to move forward. But I invite you to consider that this post is a reminder that you’re ready and you can handle it.

Homework

Here is a process to help you. All the things that we want are because we believe that they will provide some emotional experience.

Take out a sheet of paper or use the notes app on your phone, and do the following. Imagine that you had the perfect life and everything was just the way that you wanted it to be. What would it look like? How would you feel? What would that person, the person who had what you wanted, be doing? How would they live their life in your shoes? How would the person who felt those things behave in your life?

Make a clear list of actions, and then do those things. Thinking doesn’t change your life. Action does.

When you do act that way, you will find that those situations will be resolved. The past will fix itself.. You will get what you want. Maybe it’s a simple as having the courage to do what you want now. Maybe it’s a conversation you need to have. Be the person that you want to be, who has the life that you want. Be honest with yourself about the decisions you are making.

You Are Holding You Back

There is no external world controlling you. You always have the power to decide how you will act and act that way. Ask yourself when you will decide and take back your power? Take action by being the person you want to be now. What’s stopping you? Don’t make it complicated. It doesn’t have to be a complicated process. Don’t use complexity as an excuse.