The Attacker Is Weak
I studied zoology, and I notice that when I watch movies, I am always surprised by how the monster or the evil person threatens before they attack. The big monster will let out a big growl. The villain will say Do this or else, or have a conversation instead of just killing the victim. This is useful to understand when dealing with the mean and negative people in your life, because you can find your own power when you understand it.
One of the things that’s common to animals is that the strong don’t threaten; they just take. The lion doesn’t warn the gazelle before it attacks. Cats are quiet for a reason.
Consider the shark movie Jaws. One of the reasons it is scary is that the shark doesn’t warn people before it attacks. It just kills. It’s the surprise.
Me and the IRS
Years ago, when I started my company, I struggled financially, and I was not able to keep up with my bills. Creditor after creditor called me and yelled at me. They threatened me. They told me I was the worst person ever and a deadbeat, and tried to play with my psychology. They threatened and cajoled. I remember once being in a tornado in Texas, and the sirens were going off, and the creditor was on the phone and said, “I don’t care. You owe money.” Creditors use psychological tactics and play on our insecurities and feelings of being inadequate.
In contrast to the creditors, one of the places where I owed money was the IRS. Being new to business, I made serious mistakes on our payroll taxes, and I did send in the proper taxes. I owed about $60,000, which I didn’t have. This bill was bigger than all my other bills combined. I was scared. I was terrified. But I couldn’t ignore the IRS forever, so I spoke to them.
However, I was surprised. They were nice. They were polite. They simply and calmly said, “Look, you owe $60,000. Here are your options. First, you can pay it now. Second, we can work out a payment plan. Third, we can just take what you have until it’s paid off. “ They didn’t try to scare me. They simply and calmly listed my options. That’s because they don’t need my approval, and they can just take what they want.
Remember, the IRS is the one that caught one of the most famous gangsters, Al Capone.
Bank of America and I
The creditors couldn’t do this. They didn’t have the power to just take my money. They would have to take this to court. They would have to hire a legal team and show up in court. The judge could set any terms that she likes.
I had a loan with Bank of America and owed $1000, which I couldn’t pay. I told them I could pay if they just waited a couple of weeks, because I was expecting a large contract to be completed. They said “no" and took me to court.
Of course, I ended up in court. I was surprised by how many people there were who also couldn’t pay their bills.
The judge had a lot of cases and handled them quickly. The cases were all basically the same. The judge would ask, “How much is owed? How much does the defendant make and what are their basic living expense? Kids? Family? Health?” The judge would then decide on an appropriate long-term payment amount. It was ALWAYS far lower than what the creditor wanted.
The creditors would then demand, “But that’s not fair!” to which the judge would respond, “You can’t get money out of a rock. This was a private transaction to which not only the defendant but to which you agreed. You made a bad decision. That’s your problem. Case closed. Next .”
I ended up having to pay Bank of America $100/month for the next 12 months, far less than what they demanded, and without interest.
You Have Power the Attacker Wants
The reason the attacker threatens before attacking is that they have something to lose. They are vulnerable to you. A bear growls before it attacks because it doesn’t want to attack you. Bears are not interested in humans. They’re afraid of you and feel threatened by you. Maybe you’re going to hurt its cubs. Maybe you’re going to hurt them, and they realize it’s either “kill or be killed.” It’s a defensive approach.
You have some power that the attacker wants or wants to control. What is that power? What is your power?
Dependent Origination
Years ago, I studied Buddhism, and one of the core concepts is the concept of dependent origination. They say that life is suffering ( I don’t agree with this), and part of the reason we suffer is because we assume things are real. To counter this, they suggest understanding how everything is dependent upon everything else. All things depend upon other things. All things are relative. Nothing has its own inherent power.
You might say that we are humans, and that’s clear. But what is the definition of a human? What if a person lacks arms and legs? What if it wasn’t born to a mother? What is a woman anyway? Is a human a certain genetics? Could you create a human in the lab? What if the genetics were altered in some way so that it was missing a chromosome or certain DNA? At what point do you decide that something is human or not? There is always a line, and it’s a distinction that we are making.
What is Life?
I first realized this concept in my Biology 101 class when the teacher tried to define life. How do you define life? What does it mean to be alive? Is it the ability to reproduce? Many animals can’t. Is it genes? Viruses have genes and are generally not considered to be alive. Is DNA in a test tube living? Viruses are just “packages” of DNA or RNA. What exactly is the beginning of life, and what exactly is the end? All of these decisions are subjective.
Find Your Attacker’s Power
When you understand all this, you can begin to understand your attacker's power and vulnerabilities. This helps you find your power. What is the attacker dependent upon? What do they want from you? What are they afraid that you might do? What do you possess? What are they afraid of in general? What would they see as the worst outcome? If things could go wrong for them, what would that look like? Why are they afraid of you? Understanding those answers helps you find your compassion as well as recognize your power.
What is your power?
