Difficult People

Our black German Shepherd, Sky 9 weeks old in Cape Cod on our way to the beach. He was tired of walking and decided to take a break.

Some people seem to make life difficult for you. There are people in the world who seem to do bad things. Fortunately, there is a way to deal with them.

While it seems like people are doing bad things and making it difficult for you. While it may seem that people are doing bad things and making the world a bad place, it’s not that simple. We want others to change. Want other people not to be bad, not to make our lives difficult, and not to do bad things.

Why We Don’t Like Certain People

When we interact with or see certain people, we feel bad. We may get upset or angry. But there is something fundamental here. Those feelings that you have are not happening to you. No one else ever has the power to make you feel bad, unless you give it to them. That’s because there is a fundamental rule about the human experience.

All feelings come from beliefs. Every single feeling that you have comes down to a belief. When I say that, some people want to differentiate the sort of “emotional” feelings from the “physical” feelings, but this is true of all feelings, physical or otherwise.

What is a Belief?

A belief is the fact that you know something, and you have an opinion about it. The opinion you have is what determines your emotional experience. But what determines why some opinions feel good and others feel bad? Some people want to believe it’s conscience. But it’s not. The reason certain things feel bad is that your opinion is a disempowering one. In some way, you feel that thing limits you or prevents you from being you.

A Higher Power

There is a higher power in your life helping you find your path in life. When you feel bad, no matter what the reason, you are not seeing things in the same manner as this higher power. You can call it “all that is”, “your soul,” “God,” or “your higher self.” It doesn’t matter. The point is that there is a better path forward that you are not seeing.

Take Back Your Power

In other words, you are giving away your power to that thing or that person. You are letting it or them decide how you will live your life. The first step, then, is to own your emotional experience. Admit that you feel bad, and that is due to negative beliefs. It has nothing to do with the world out there.

This doesn’t mean the “bad people” are going to be allowed to be free and hurt others. This means you will take charge of your life and find your own power. In some cases, you might see a more empowered path to get what you want and support others. In other cases, you might see that the “bad people” are actually right, but you are too stubborn to want to see it. Maybe you’re afraid to admit that you’re wrong.

People Want To Feel Bad

Many people want to feel bad. They want to blame others. Why would they want to do that? Why would people want to make their lives difficult? You might be saying to yourself about the bad things and people in your life, “ I don’t want things to be like this. I don’t want to feel this way. I certainly wouldn’t choose this. How can it be my fault that I feel this way?”

Ultimately, this is a question that people need to ask themselves. “Why do I want to feel bad? What do I get out of it?”

An Excuse

One thing people get is the ability to say, “Well, I want to be free and I want to do the things that I enjoy and I want to express myself fully, but I can’t because of these bad people.”

Many people are afraid to express themselves fully, and blaming others gives them an excuse to say they are powerless and that there is nothing they can do. It gives them safety because it’s scary to express themselves fully. “Once these other people change, then I can be happy.”

Sometimes you might fear alienating your social group. You belong to some group of people who have strong views, and you want their approval. So you want to share their ideals. Or maybe you don’t like that they don’t like your point of view.

People want to blame the world because it keeps them safe and gives them an excuse to take responsibility for their own lives.

Critics are the Weak Ones

When you criticize or when someone criticizes you, the critic is the weak one. Basically, what they are saying is,” I need you to change for me to be happy.” The problem is that no one else will ever be able to make the critic happy because happiness doesn’t come from the actions of others. Happiness comes from their own actions. And if you’re the one criticizing, it’s you who doubts yourself.

When I see people criticize, my first thought is “What that person is really saying is that they feel powerless, insecure, and that they don’t believe in themselves,” and I usually feel bad for them.

Be Honest With Yourself

If you genuinely believe that someone else has to change to make you happy, you might as well ask straight out, “When will you allow me to be happy? I have decided that you are in charge of my happiness. Own that you need others to behave the way you want.

If you spend your life needing the world to change to make you happy, you will lead a miserable life. Don’t you want to be satisfied?

Remember that anytime someone needs someone to change, they are criticizing. They are the weak ones because what they are saying on some level is that they feel out of control, and they need others to change to make them happy. They are a victim of the thing they criticize, and they are choosing to be a victim because they believe they are inadequate and powerless on some level.

You Always Have Power

You always have the power to choose how you will act. What determines what you feel at the end of the day are your beliefs. However, what determines what you believe is not thinking about it; it’s acting like you believe something. Identify what your negative beliefs are and choose new positive ones. Then act upon those.

You can use the Recast Procedure to do this.

Finding Your Power Helps Others

When you find your own power, you help others. That’s how you really change the world. First, you can be a role model to others, who can take control of their life and their emotional experience. You can lead by example and show others that it’s possible. If you do take action in the world, you are doing it from a place of love and strength rather than hate. You will be happy with your actions. You’re not doing things “to stop the bad people.”